Three languages, three versions of me

March 27, 2026

The more languages I learn,
the less I understand who I actually am.

Fellow Immigrants, this post is about us.
Nothing about AI, work or startups.
This one a bit deeper.

It's kinda obvious for any multilingual person, that when we speak different languages, we become completely different versions of myself.

I was born in Moscow when I was child, my parents moved from Armenia to Russia to survive.
My first words were Armenian, before school I barely spoke Russian.

But then Russian came second, it shaped my conscious life.
It carries a deep sense of alienation. In Russian, I constantly try to fit in there is anxiety, a need to adapt, to prove I have the right to speak and take space. This part seeks acceptance in people, society, achievements. It tries a lot and rarely rests.

English came later, at a more conscious stage. It feels like a new version of me. In English, I feel stronger more confident, clear, structured. It’s the version of me I wanted to become. I enter flow easily in conversation and in sales. There is energy, action, presence.

Armenian is the hardest to describe.

On one hand, it is the root. The language where everything began. It is not a “mask” — it’s given by default. It is the foundation.

On the other hand, I barely used it for a long time. The Russian-speaking environment, school, and surroundings pushed it aside. It became something background, non-operational. And because of that, there is shame, insecurity, and constraint.

When I speak Armenian, I often feel restrained. But when I consciously enter it, when I allow myself to go deeper, something completely different appears.

This is not just confidence, like in English.
This is a sense of grounding, wholeness, selfhood.
Only when speaking Armenian do I feel 100% myself.

In daily life, Russian dominates with its anxiety and need to adapt.
English gives strength and execution.
Armenian is the root a black box, a connection to something deeper.

I’m not just switching languages — I’m switching versions of myself.

Each language shapes how I think:
• Russian — analysis and reflection
• English — action and structure
• Armenian — grounding and authenticity

Three perspectives, three ways of experiencing reality.

I wonder how people from other languages & cultures who faces same multilingual experience in their life think about this.

P.S. I should have not stop learning Mandarin, could have another personality.

P.S.S. This idea came to me when I was thinking in Armenian, text was originally written in Russian and then translated into English 😁.