I had the money and could not take a step

April 23, 2025 · translated from Russian

My founder story, part four.

February 2024.
$100,000 from an investor.
The AI model exists.
Customer feedback exists.
A new team is assembled.
Everything I need is supposedly within reach.

And I can do nothing.
It is as if I am standing outside myself.

In April I leave for the US.
Draper University is waiting: a scholarship, the Hero House, founders, energy, real players.
I had dreamed about this since I was fifteen.
Now I am there. Inside.
I hear other people selling.
Other people raising.
Other people shipping product.
And me?
I am mostly trying not to look like a fake.

My product still does not work.
I am looking for a co-founder again.
The first one did shoddy work and refused to be paid.
The second disappeared.
The third agreed, and two weeks later said he was depressed.

Everyone deflates.
So do I.

After Draper I stay in SF.
I rent a place, burn what is left of the money, buy a ticket to Burning Man.
Maybe I get lucky one more time, I think.
I did not get lucky.
That time I was just entertaining myself.
Then I came back alone again.

From August to November I am paralysed.
Not one email.
Not one deal.
Not one interview.
I plan the visa and do not file it.
I think about the product and do not write it.
I dream of finding a team and I am afraid they will leave again.

I am not building any more.
I am watching myself not build.
I sit in silence and look at my project like a frozen frame.
Pause. Vacuum. Freeze.

That is how I meet November 2024.
No team.
No product.
No strength.
With money that never turned into movement.

I think: maybe I am simply not capable.
Maybe all of this is a game of depth so I never have to go for a result.
Maybe I am not a founder.
Just a boy who is afraid to start, because he is afraid of failing for real.